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them. When I did get to sleep this morning, I dreamed about one of the tube
shelters being hit, broken mains, drowning people.
October 4
 I tried to catch the cat today. I had some idea of persuading it to dispatch
the mouse that has been terrifying the chars. I also wanted to see one up
close. I took the water bucket I had used with the stirrup pump last night to
put out some burning shrapnel from one of the antiaircraft guns. It still had
a bit of water in it, but not enough to drown the cat, and my plan was to
clamp the bucket over him, reach under, and pick him up, then carry him down
to the crypt and point him at the mouse. I did not even come close to him.
I swung the bucket, and as I did so, perhaps an. inch of water splashed out. I
thought I remembered that the cat was a domesticated animal, but I must have
been wrong about that. The cat s wide complacent face pulled back into a
skull-like mask that was absolutely terrifying, vicious claws extended from
what I had thought were harmless paws, and the cat let out a sound to top the
chars.
In my surprise I dropped the bucket and it rolled against one of the pillars.
The cat disappeared. Behind me, Langby said,  That s no way to catch a cat.
 Obviously, I said, and bent to retrieve the bucket.
 Cats hate water, he said, still in that expressionless voice.
 Oh, I said, and started in front of him to take the bucket back to the
choir.  I didn t know that.
 Everybody knows it. Even the stupid Welsh.
October 8
 We have been standing double watches for a week bomber s moon. Langby didn t
show up on the roofs, so I
went looking for him in the church. I found him standing by the
west doors talking to an old man. The man had a newspaper tucked
under his arm and he handed it to Langby, but Langby gave it back to him. When
the man saw me, he ducked out. Langby said,  Tourist. Wanted to know where the
Windmill Theatre is. Read in the paper the girls are starkers.
I know I looked as if I didn t believe him because he said,  You look rotten,
old man. Not getting enough sleep, are you? I ll get somebody to take the
first watch for you tonight.
 No, I said coldly.  I ll stand my own watch. I like being on the roofs, and
added silently, where I can watch you.
He shrugged and said,  I suppose it s better than being down in the crypt. At
least on the roofs you can hear the one that gets you.
October 10
 I thought the double watches might be good for me, take my mind off my
inability to retrieve. The watched-pot idea. Actually, it sometimes works. A
few hours of thinking about something else, or a good night s sleep, and the
fact pops forward without any prompting, without any artificials.
The good night s sleep is out of the question. Not only do the chars talk
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constantly, but the cat has moved into the crypt and sidles up to everyone,
making siren noises and begging for kippers. I am moving my cot out of the
transept and over by
Nelson before I go on watch. He may be pickled, but he keeps his mouth shut.
October 11
I dreamed of Trafalgar, ships guns and smoke and falling plaster
and Langby shouting my name. My first waking thought was that the
folding chairs had gone off. I could not see for all the smoke.
 I m coming, I said, limping toward Langby and pulling on my boots. There was
a heap of plaster and tangled folding chairs in the transept. Langby was
digging in it.  Bartholomew! he shouted, flinging a chunk of
plaster aside.
 Bartholomew!
I still had the idea it was smoke. I ran back for the stirrup pump and then
knelt beside him and began pulling on a splintered chair back. It
resisted, and it came to me suddenly. There is a body under here. I will reach
for a piece of the ceiling and find it is a hand. I leaned back on my heels,
determined not to be sick, then went at the pile again.
Langby was going far too fast, jabbing with a chair leg. I grabbed his hand to
stop him, and he struggled against me as if
I were a piece of rubble to be thrown aside. He picked up a large flat square
of plaster, and under it was the floor. I turned and looked behind me. Both
chars huddled in the recess by the altar.  Who are you looking for? I said,
keeping hold of
Langby s arm.
 Bartholomew, he said, and swept the rubble aside, his hands bleeding through
the coating of smoky dust.
 I m here, I said.  I m all right. I choked on the white dust.  I moved my
cot out of the transept.
He turned sharply to the chars and then said quite calmly,  What s under
here?
 Only the gas ring, one of them said timidly from the shadowed recess,  and
Mrs. Galbraith s pocketbook. He dug through the mess until he had found
them both. The gas ring was leaking at a merry rate, though the flame had gone
out.
 You ve saved St. Paul s and me after all, I said, standing there in my
underwear and boots, holding the useless stirrup pump.  We might all have been
asphyxiated.
He stood up.  I shouldn t have saved you, he said.
Stage one: shock, stupefaction, unawareness of injuries, words may not make
sense except to victim. He would not know his hand was bleeding yet. He would
not remember what he had said. He had said he shouldn t have saved my life.
 I shouldn t have saved you, he repeated.  I have my duty to think of.
 You re bleeding, I said sharply.  You d better lie down. I sounded just
like Langby in the gallery.
October 13
 It was a high-explosive bomb. It blew a hole in the Choir, and some of the
marble statuary is broken, but the ceiling of the crypt did not collapse,
which is what I thought at first. It only jarred some plaster loose.
I do not think Langby has any idea what he said. That should give me some sort
of advantage, now that I am sure where the danger lies, now that I am sure it
will not come crashing down from some other direction. But what good is
all this knowing, when I do not know what he will do? Or when?
Surely I have the facts of yesterday s bomb in long-term, but even falling
plaster did not jar them loose this time. I am not even trying for retrieval,
now. I lie in the darkness waiting for the roof to fall in on me. And
remembering how Langby saved my life.
October 15
 The girl came in again today. She still has the cold, but she has gotten her
paying position. It was a joy to see her.
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